Rant!

It's like I just woke up one morning

Looked at the way that we live

Thought things could be so much better

There must be better than this

And if I relocated 

To where the grass is greener

Maybe I'd be happy again

But I'm a little bit disappointed

'cause now I've got my freedom

But I'm still looking over the fence

It's always the same

At the end of the day

You always want what you haven't got

Ya ya ya. A few more weeks and I'll be 26. Looking back, what have I achieved? Have I gone where my heart told me to go? Have I lived my life the way I always want it to be? With no means to compare (yeah right), have I got what I want, and most importantly what I need?

*Sigh*
*Tarik nafas dalem-dalem dan bilang ke diri sendiri: Sabaaaaar, nyet!!*

Without being ungrateful to much of gifts and blessings from Him lately, I need to say this:

Saya capek.

Tapi nggak boleh berhenti, ini sedikit lagi!

Sesedikit apa? Toh saya juga nggak pernah tahu

Percaya deh, sebentar lagi sampe. Jangan nyerah dulu dong...

Ketika saya bahkan nggak bisa liat 'light at the end of the tunnel', saya mulai gamang,tahu!

Sabar, tenang aja. Percaya sama mimpimu. Percaya sama harapan yang ada

Gampang sih emang bilang sabar. Saya capek, nggak boleh ya?

Boleh capek. Berhenti sebentar di rest area, atau di pit stop. Makan enak. Mandi (kalo gak males). Tidur. Ngapain kek. nanti kalau sudah nggak capek, nggak emosi lagi, baru jalan (ato lari) lagi.

Saya harus belajar untuk beristirahat, ternyata. Menanggung terlalu banyak beban sendirian memang bisa jadi sangat, sangat melelahkan. Regardless saya nggak ingin menyebutnya beban ataupun kewajiban, tapi ternyata beratnya memang nyata, jadi mau bagaimana lagi? Plus hal-hal yang inginnya bisa saya kontrol tapi ternyata sama sekali diluar kuasa saya. Saya jadi nggak bisa memprediksi, nggak bisa berpegang, dan pada akhirnya bertanya-tanya apakah saya bisa berharap?

I am tired. Of expecting, of wanting, of counting
Of soaring my dreams and hopes so high,
Of millions of words, thoughts and fears that roam my small brain.
Of going too fast, or going too slow.

Whatever.


[And in the midst of haze
I can hear you slowly say:
Slow down baby,
you'll be landing on your feet,
safely :)]

Tabik!