..Just when my focus got distracted to other seemingly-big-and-oh-complicated-but-actually-unimportant stuff that shake a bit of my balance, I visit gimme presence as usual and read this:

Pay closest attention to what is simple, sweet and clear.

The simplest, clearest issue that I need to pay attention on is right in front of me. And unbelievingly, this is also related to the sweetest one. This is not an easy-peasy obstacle, yet it is a very rewarding one. One that require me to be in the center of my sanity. And this, is where I'll pay my closest attention at. 

Life's not a race, they say. I try to learn that it is not a race with the other people, but rather a race with my self. My limitation, my fear and hesitation. It is an obstacle race, where I try to conquer my own problem. So for now (and after), I will remember to pay closest attention, to what is simple, sweet and clear.

My present today : other reminder

It couldn't be more true. My battlefield is my life school, indeed. And I am not giving up struggling with this situation. Thank you life, for being my never-ending class room :)

For a daily inspiration, do click http://gimmepresence.com/ :)

Just a little reminder..

..Of how selfish I have been behaving.

Life is indeed ever changing. And this phase is just another phase. Everything will be fine, Insya Allah. For this moment, I am proud on how my dearie has been handling these problem,the way he maintains his composure and the way he (as always) be there for the family and take a good care of them. I can't ask for more, really. 

Right now I wish I could help and do better than this. And right now, I have no right whatsoever to even whine. I have to be there (and strong) for him. For now, it is another personal battle for me to fight on.

Well, as he said, this is where our morality's being measured. (These) present troubles will teach us how to face even bigger issues on the future. And again, just like he said, I need to focus on things under my control and not to get caught in unreasonable sadness.

Ganbatte!

Contra-Rant

There's nothing wrong with you, you're OK
It's only because things don't always go your way that you feel down

Hey what you waiting for ?
Don't think so much about everything and let the day take over
It ain't that hard to do


***


:) Syudah syudah..Mau 26 gak boleh mellow. Gotta make the best of my remaining 25th year now :D

Rant!

It's like I just woke up one morning

Looked at the way that we live

Thought things could be so much better

There must be better than this

And if I relocated 

To where the grass is greener

Maybe I'd be happy again

But I'm a little bit disappointed

'cause now I've got my freedom

But I'm still looking over the fence

It's always the same

At the end of the day

You always want what you haven't got

Ya ya ya. A few more weeks and I'll be 26. Looking back, what have I achieved? Have I gone where my heart told me to go? Have I lived my life the way I always want it to be? With no means to compare (yeah right), have I got what I want, and most importantly what I need?

*Sigh*
*Tarik nafas dalem-dalem dan bilang ke diri sendiri: Sabaaaaar, nyet!!*

Without being ungrateful to much of gifts and blessings from Him lately, I need to say this:

Saya capek.

Tapi nggak boleh berhenti, ini sedikit lagi!

Sesedikit apa? Toh saya juga nggak pernah tahu

Percaya deh, sebentar lagi sampe. Jangan nyerah dulu dong...

Ketika saya bahkan nggak bisa liat 'light at the end of the tunnel', saya mulai gamang,tahu!

Sabar, tenang aja. Percaya sama mimpimu. Percaya sama harapan yang ada

Gampang sih emang bilang sabar. Saya capek, nggak boleh ya?

Boleh capek. Berhenti sebentar di rest area, atau di pit stop. Makan enak. Mandi (kalo gak males). Tidur. Ngapain kek. nanti kalau sudah nggak capek, nggak emosi lagi, baru jalan (ato lari) lagi.

Saya harus belajar untuk beristirahat, ternyata. Menanggung terlalu banyak beban sendirian memang bisa jadi sangat, sangat melelahkan. Regardless saya nggak ingin menyebutnya beban ataupun kewajiban, tapi ternyata beratnya memang nyata, jadi mau bagaimana lagi? Plus hal-hal yang inginnya bisa saya kontrol tapi ternyata sama sekali diluar kuasa saya. Saya jadi nggak bisa memprediksi, nggak bisa berpegang, dan pada akhirnya bertanya-tanya apakah saya bisa berharap?

I am tired. Of expecting, of wanting, of counting
Of soaring my dreams and hopes so high,
Of millions of words, thoughts and fears that roam my small brain.
Of going too fast, or going too slow.

Whatever.


[And in the midst of haze
I can hear you slowly say:
Slow down baby,
you'll be landing on your feet,
safely :)]

Tabik!

Januari, Jadi :)

Gusti Allah,

Terima kasih banyak untuk berkah di awal Januari nya. Terima kasih saya sudah dikasih jalan (walau awalnya terlihat pesimis untuk bisa pergi karena beban kerjaan di tim tunu- tapi Alhamdulillahnya dikasih jalan juga buat pergi ke Jakarta) untuk bisa bertemu, berkenalan dan mengakrabkan diri dengan keluarga cidodol c15..  It was lovely, and I can't thank you enough. Terima kasih banyak telah memudahkan semuanya.. Dan maaf kalau saya malah sering takut-khawatir-nervous sendiri tanpa alasan yang jelas.

Terima kasih banyak untuk memberi saya kesempatan ketemu (walaupun cuma sebentar) dengan keluarga besar plus oma Tirtayasa-nya si Patjar.. It had been a great night :)

Patj, you are, as always, right. We're moving forward, slowly, carefully, and never an inch backwards. Danke, by..

2011-2012

12:00-16:00 , 31/12/2011
Pergi pijet ke srikandi, lunch sama patjar dan beli (sebagian) bahan-bahan buat bbq malam tahun baru - esp. garlic bread dan chicken wings. Pas (late) lunch bareng patjar, dapet sms dari SOG kalau  BHA sudah mau on surface dan data LWD akan ada dalam 30menit-1 jam. Saya langsung meluncur ke kantor sementara mobil dibawa patjar pulang.

16:00-18:30 , 31/12/2011
Di kantor : menemukan bahwa data density neutron kemungkinan besar nggak bisa di dump di rigsite. Yang berarti akan running wireline PEX. Yang berarti bahwa saya mesti ke kantor lagi tengah malem nya. Yang berarti tahun baruan di kantor. Setelah selesai load data GR-RES, saya langsung telpon taxi, menuju kbc untuk siap-siap bbq

18:30 onwards
Turun dari taxi, saya langsung meluncur ke dapur untuk siap-siapin bbq di kbc, terutama chicken wings dan garlic bread (dibantu patjar dan trainee-trainee d&m yang baru - which 3 of them were active debaters back in uni - much of internal jokes that night!). Persiapan bbq ini rada riweuh, saya mesti bolak balik ke dapur memastikan semua ok, tapi saya juga bersenang-senang sampe jam 11an sebelum saya tiba-tiba tepar. Capek dan ngantuk sangat!! -> efek habis kerja+riweuh nyiapin bbq.

00:00 01/01/2012
Yey tahun baru!!! Si patjar dengan baik hatinya nemenin saya yang tepar buat ngucapin tahun baru...dan 5 menit kemudian saya udah tidur lagi :p.

00:30 - 03:30 01/01/2012 onwards:
Dapet sms kalau data wireline ascii sudah dikirim. Untungnya bbqannya sudah beres, dan jadilah patjar nganter saya ke kantor malem-malem untuk rush data. Sementara saya di kantor puyeng puyeng rush data wireline, si patjar dan dua temennya muter muter keliling kota nyari tempat ngkrong/makan yang gak rame. Alhamdulillahnya nggak ada kesulitan berarti pas rush data+picking pressure point di kantor, jadi jam setengah 4 udah beres, minta dijemput patjar buat makan. Saya lapaaar!!

03:30 - 05:00 01/01/2012
Karena sudah cukup "dini hari" dan nggak ada niatan ke club (dan cover chargenya itu loh... ampun mihilnya! not worthed every single penny!) maka diputuskan bahwa saya, patjar, dan dua kawan (kresna feat eros) akan nyari tempat makan. And guess what, susahnya nyari tempat makan yg gak penuh di tahun baru itu ampun ampunan. McD? Penuhnya ngalah-ngalahin club deh! Curiga ada cover charge-nya juga, hihi. Akhirnya last resort adalah makan-ngobrol gak jelas di warung ijo (yang malem itu ternyata memberlakukan surcharge tambahan di harganya sehingga kerusakan untuk makan+minum 4 orang menjadi cukup besar....T_T). Menjelang jam 5, kami mulai sadar bahwasanya kami sudah tua :p dan mesti pulang lalu bobo.

There. That, my friend, is how I spend the last hours of 2011 and the first hours of 2012.