..Just when my focus got distracted to other seemingly-big-and-oh-complicated-but-actually-unimportant stuff that shake a bit of my balance, I visit gimme presence as usual and read this:

Pay closest attention to what is simple, sweet and clear.

The simplest, clearest issue that I need to pay attention on is right in front of me. And unbelievingly, this is also related to the sweetest one. This is not an easy-peasy obstacle, yet it is a very rewarding one. One that require me to be in the center of my sanity. And this, is where I'll pay my closest attention at. 

Life's not a race, they say. I try to learn that it is not a race with the other people, but rather a race with my self. My limitation, my fear and hesitation. It is an obstacle race, where I try to conquer my own problem. So for now (and after), I will remember to pay closest attention, to what is simple, sweet and clear.

My present today : other reminder

It couldn't be more true. My battlefield is my life school, indeed. And I am not giving up struggling with this situation. Thank you life, for being my never-ending class room :)

For a daily inspiration, do click http://gimmepresence.com/ :)

Just a little reminder..

..Of how selfish I have been behaving.

Life is indeed ever changing. And this phase is just another phase. Everything will be fine, Insya Allah. For this moment, I am proud on how my dearie has been handling these problem,the way he maintains his composure and the way he (as always) be there for the family and take a good care of them. I can't ask for more, really. 

Right now I wish I could help and do better than this. And right now, I have no right whatsoever to even whine. I have to be there (and strong) for him. For now, it is another personal battle for me to fight on.

Well, as he said, this is where our morality's being measured. (These) present troubles will teach us how to face even bigger issues on the future. And again, just like he said, I need to focus on things under my control and not to get caught in unreasonable sadness.

Ganbatte!

Contra-Rant

There's nothing wrong with you, you're OK
It's only because things don't always go your way that you feel down

Hey what you waiting for ?
Don't think so much about everything and let the day take over
It ain't that hard to do


***


:) Syudah syudah..Mau 26 gak boleh mellow. Gotta make the best of my remaining 25th year now :D

Rant!

It's like I just woke up one morning

Looked at the way that we live

Thought things could be so much better

There must be better than this

And if I relocated 

To where the grass is greener

Maybe I'd be happy again

But I'm a little bit disappointed

'cause now I've got my freedom

But I'm still looking over the fence

It's always the same

At the end of the day

You always want what you haven't got

Ya ya ya. A few more weeks and I'll be 26. Looking back, what have I achieved? Have I gone where my heart told me to go? Have I lived my life the way I always want it to be? With no means to compare (yeah right), have I got what I want, and most importantly what I need?

*Sigh*
*Tarik nafas dalem-dalem dan bilang ke diri sendiri: Sabaaaaar, nyet!!*

Without being ungrateful to much of gifts and blessings from Him lately, I need to say this:

Saya capek.

Tapi nggak boleh berhenti, ini sedikit lagi!

Sesedikit apa? Toh saya juga nggak pernah tahu

Percaya deh, sebentar lagi sampe. Jangan nyerah dulu dong...

Ketika saya bahkan nggak bisa liat 'light at the end of the tunnel', saya mulai gamang,tahu!

Sabar, tenang aja. Percaya sama mimpimu. Percaya sama harapan yang ada

Gampang sih emang bilang sabar. Saya capek, nggak boleh ya?

Boleh capek. Berhenti sebentar di rest area, atau di pit stop. Makan enak. Mandi (kalo gak males). Tidur. Ngapain kek. nanti kalau sudah nggak capek, nggak emosi lagi, baru jalan (ato lari) lagi.

Saya harus belajar untuk beristirahat, ternyata. Menanggung terlalu banyak beban sendirian memang bisa jadi sangat, sangat melelahkan. Regardless saya nggak ingin menyebutnya beban ataupun kewajiban, tapi ternyata beratnya memang nyata, jadi mau bagaimana lagi? Plus hal-hal yang inginnya bisa saya kontrol tapi ternyata sama sekali diluar kuasa saya. Saya jadi nggak bisa memprediksi, nggak bisa berpegang, dan pada akhirnya bertanya-tanya apakah saya bisa berharap?

I am tired. Of expecting, of wanting, of counting
Of soaring my dreams and hopes so high,
Of millions of words, thoughts and fears that roam my small brain.
Of going too fast, or going too slow.

Whatever.


[And in the midst of haze
I can hear you slowly say:
Slow down baby,
you'll be landing on your feet,
safely :)]

Tabik!

Januari, Jadi :)

Gusti Allah,

Terima kasih banyak untuk berkah di awal Januari nya. Terima kasih saya sudah dikasih jalan (walau awalnya terlihat pesimis untuk bisa pergi karena beban kerjaan di tim tunu- tapi Alhamdulillahnya dikasih jalan juga buat pergi ke Jakarta) untuk bisa bertemu, berkenalan dan mengakrabkan diri dengan keluarga cidodol c15..  It was lovely, and I can't thank you enough. Terima kasih banyak telah memudahkan semuanya.. Dan maaf kalau saya malah sering takut-khawatir-nervous sendiri tanpa alasan yang jelas.

Terima kasih banyak untuk memberi saya kesempatan ketemu (walaupun cuma sebentar) dengan keluarga besar plus oma Tirtayasa-nya si Patjar.. It had been a great night :)

Patj, you are, as always, right. We're moving forward, slowly, carefully, and never an inch backwards. Danke, by..

2011-2012

12:00-16:00 , 31/12/2011
Pergi pijet ke srikandi, lunch sama patjar dan beli (sebagian) bahan-bahan buat bbq malam tahun baru - esp. garlic bread dan chicken wings. Pas (late) lunch bareng patjar, dapet sms dari SOG kalau  BHA sudah mau on surface dan data LWD akan ada dalam 30menit-1 jam. Saya langsung meluncur ke kantor sementara mobil dibawa patjar pulang.

16:00-18:30 , 31/12/2011
Di kantor : menemukan bahwa data density neutron kemungkinan besar nggak bisa di dump di rigsite. Yang berarti akan running wireline PEX. Yang berarti bahwa saya mesti ke kantor lagi tengah malem nya. Yang berarti tahun baruan di kantor. Setelah selesai load data GR-RES, saya langsung telpon taxi, menuju kbc untuk siap-siap bbq

18:30 onwards
Turun dari taxi, saya langsung meluncur ke dapur untuk siap-siapin bbq di kbc, terutama chicken wings dan garlic bread (dibantu patjar dan trainee-trainee d&m yang baru - which 3 of them were active debaters back in uni - much of internal jokes that night!). Persiapan bbq ini rada riweuh, saya mesti bolak balik ke dapur memastikan semua ok, tapi saya juga bersenang-senang sampe jam 11an sebelum saya tiba-tiba tepar. Capek dan ngantuk sangat!! -> efek habis kerja+riweuh nyiapin bbq.

00:00 01/01/2012
Yey tahun baru!!! Si patjar dengan baik hatinya nemenin saya yang tepar buat ngucapin tahun baru...dan 5 menit kemudian saya udah tidur lagi :p.

00:30 - 03:30 01/01/2012 onwards:
Dapet sms kalau data wireline ascii sudah dikirim. Untungnya bbqannya sudah beres, dan jadilah patjar nganter saya ke kantor malem-malem untuk rush data. Sementara saya di kantor puyeng puyeng rush data wireline, si patjar dan dua temennya muter muter keliling kota nyari tempat ngkrong/makan yang gak rame. Alhamdulillahnya nggak ada kesulitan berarti pas rush data+picking pressure point di kantor, jadi jam setengah 4 udah beres, minta dijemput patjar buat makan. Saya lapaaar!!

03:30 - 05:00 01/01/2012
Karena sudah cukup "dini hari" dan nggak ada niatan ke club (dan cover chargenya itu loh... ampun mihilnya! not worthed every single penny!) maka diputuskan bahwa saya, patjar, dan dua kawan (kresna feat eros) akan nyari tempat makan. And guess what, susahnya nyari tempat makan yg gak penuh di tahun baru itu ampun ampunan. McD? Penuhnya ngalah-ngalahin club deh! Curiga ada cover charge-nya juga, hihi. Akhirnya last resort adalah makan-ngobrol gak jelas di warung ijo (yang malem itu ternyata memberlakukan surcharge tambahan di harganya sehingga kerusakan untuk makan+minum 4 orang menjadi cukup besar....T_T). Menjelang jam 5, kami mulai sadar bahwasanya kami sudah tua :p dan mesti pulang lalu bobo.

There. That, my friend, is how I spend the last hours of 2011 and the first hours of 2012.

Friday Five#3

Ehm...

Setelah berminggu-minggu nggak ngisi blog, saya berhutang 5 posting Friday five. Entah kenapa, pasca liburan saya malah lebih rajin nulis di blog puisi dan blog satu lagi. Glek. Yak mari, 4 jum'at sudah terlewati, berarti 4 posting friday five yang masih ngutang (+ 1 posting untuk jum'at ini) akan di recap dan dirangkum dalam 1 posting friday five ini. (Pusing gak sih bacanya? Berasa inception gitu, 1 posting friday five tentang five fridays. Pusing deh.) So, here's my Friday five list!

1. Fiday, Dec 2nd, 2011. Jum'at ini adalah salah satu jum'at super riweuh. Selain kerjaan saya (dan kerjaan patjar) yang sedang menggunung -> nasib dikerjar deadline sebelum vacation, ada beberapa hal yang nggak  sesuai rencana. Misalnya, Patjar supposed to do his final fitting for the tailored suite on this friday, but due to some reason, the tailor delay the fitting til saturday/sunday. Okay, saya mulai panik, takut jas si patjar gak akan beres sebelum kita liburan ke xinjiapo. Baydewey dress saya yang ditambahin lengan juga baru akan selesai hari minggu nya. Yah sutralah... Anyway we were pretty excited since we're about to have our year-end holiday in few days. Yuhuuu!

2. Friday, Dec 9th 2011. The wedding friday! This friday is the day when me, patjar and my HYLI friends follow the procession of Vincent and Sereen's wedding. From the gate crashing (with marvellous superheroes and Superman as our chauffeur) , tea ceremony in both groom and bride's place, first visit to the newly wed apartment - with all white and chic interior - (which looks like just popped out of an interior design magazine. Swear to god it was THAT chic), to the wedding solemnization and reception dinner (Oh how I looove chinese wedding dinner. Food was coming out like crazy :p) . It was a tiring, but a very fun and memorable day! And the best part is that patjar got to meet my HYLI friends and got HYLI approved stamp :p. Oh btw patjar wore his new tailored suit and he looks awesome. I was figuratively drooling over him :p Di hari Jum'at ini, saya dan patjar sudah di xinjiapo semenjak hari rabu, dan baru akan pulang selasa minggu depannya. We had a wonderful time! Kayaknya soal liburan ini perlu posting tersendiri deh, hihi

3. Friday, Dec 16th 2011. Yak, Jum'at yang aneh, imbas efek capek habis liburan dan masuk di tengah minggu dimana di kantor sepi karena pada ikutan training M/LWD di SLB Manggar (in which saya gak bole ikut, karena selain jaga kandang, saya yang notabene mantan M/LWD dianggep sudah khatam dan gak perlu ikut training. nyeh, padahal kan pengen ke base dan curi curi pandang ama patjar yang lagi kerja --> ketauan buruk niatnya:p) . Jum'at ini ada 2 farewell di kantor. Satu acaranya temen baik saya yang resign karena pengen kerja di p****m*na jakarta (dimana saya lupa bawa parting card yang udah di bikin dari rumah, jadi siangnya mesti ke tempat mbak ika untuk numpang bikin parting card :p) , satu lagi adalah acara farewell sekretaris departemen saya yang juga bakal pindah ke Jakarta (ada apa sih dengan Jakarta?? pada pindah kesana semua nampaknya?!) tapi tetep di comapny yg sama. Habis dua acara ini, saya ngibrit untuk ujuan oral di Alliance Francaise (dan belum belajar T_T) J'ai de la chance, I got quite a good total score :p

4. Friday, Dec 23rd 2011. Jum'at dimana kantor nampak seperti kuburan, saking sepinya. (Hampir) semua orang sudah pergi cuti natal/tahun baru dan tinggalah saya dan beberapa orang jaga kandang.  Jum'at ini saya berencana pulang cepet karena si Patjar mau manggung (dan sudah latihan nyanyi dari malemnya) buat acara Jum'at Dahsyat a.k.a JuDas (ampun deh namanya) di SLB Manggar. Si patjar ini aslinya drummer, tapi karena dia sadar drummer kurang dapet jatah difoto, beralihlah dia ke vokalis. Sayangnya, kerjaan saya lagi banyak-banyaknya, jadi saya baru sampai jam 5 dan.....penonton sudah pada bubar. T__T Jum'at ini pun saya pacaran sama kasur, bedcover dan bantal guling karena sehabis nyanyi-nyanyi (dan menang lomba band nya kayaknya), si patjar mesti lembur. Oh, akhirnya saya bisa bermesraan lebih lama sama si kasur empuk...I love my bed (and sleeping), seriously.

5.Friday Dec 30th 2011. Jum'at hari ini, the last friday of the year! Looking back, I have awesome fridays this years. Well, I have an awesome years in a whole. The Big Guy has been so kind to me, my family and patjar and his family this year. Yes, I had my ups and downs, mais c'est la vie... Ujian di tahun ini banyak sekali, tapi pelajaran yang saya dapat lebih banyak lagi. Saya belajar menghadapi ketakutan dan kehawatiran - hantu yang saya ciptakan sendiri. Bahkan di tengah-akhir tahun ini saya belajar mengkonfrontasi masalah dan si penyebab masalah (Yes, you know who you are, and you are forgiven but never forgotten. I am just glad that I had faced you once, and for all). Saya hidup lebih sehat. Saya (mungkin) akan pindah dari log analyst tunu field menjadi petrophysicist data management (yang masih sesekali membantu operational tunu field). Saya punya keluarga yang baik dan patjar  yang membuat hidup saya luar biasa. Hallo 2012, Saya punya harapan yang saya gantungkan tinggi di tahunmu lho ;) Semoga semua lancar, amien. 

That's a five Fridays in Friday five, that's a wrap for this year! Btw saya sedang merencanakan acara tahun baru di balikpapan yang "menyenangkan" ini. Ada beberapa opsi, but definitely me and patjar will have bbq with D&M technicians and FEs, alongside with some friends of ours. Habis itu entah kemana. House of Masquerade, maybe? :p *ngarep*. Anyway, buat yang tinggal di balikpapan, ada 2 spot kembang api (yang sejauh ini saya tahu ya..), yaitu di Balcony city mall dan mall balikpapan baru. Eniwei, Selamat Tahun Baru 2012!  Be good, 2012, Insya Allah :)

Friday Five#2

My week, in recap:

1. Preparation for SG's holiday and Vincent's wedding: Got our IDR exchanged with quite a rate to SGD, Got our new schedule revision (the risk of taking low cost airline - they can change your schedule to a weird hours. Nyeh), Got our itinerary planned and such. The highlight is that Patjar got his new suite tailored and I got my old dress remade. I did accompany him from buying the textile (from an old shop in Pandansari - a good place to shop good stuff with reasonable price in Balikpapan) to choosing the style and details in the tailor. For the price we paid, I think we got ourselves quite a bargain :p. I just can't wait for the final fitting *grin*

2. Just found out that there's gonna be ZoukOut 2011 on Dec 10th. Wow. The wedding will be on 9th and since me+patjar bailed out from watching the wicked musical, then I was thinking...maybe....just maaaybe...we can go to ZoukOut. Gonna be fun! Update: All happy hour tickets are sould out. Our option now are the buying-in-advance ticket or on the spot ticket. Le sigh.

3. One of my closest friend in the office is....*drumroll*...resigning. Third person resigning this year. I am happy for her, though, since she's going to move to Jakarta, working as permanent employee in the national oil company. Well needless to say I'll definitely miss her. She's one of a few people that I can really have a nice, deep, and sometimes out-of-the-box-kind of conversation with. But hey, this means we can go out whenever I go back to Jkt :p. On the other side of the coins, this means more workloads for moi, since the two newbies are still on the training. Ngok.

4. 9GAG is Awesome. Period.

5. Remember the weekend trial for BeneFit Smokin eye palate? I nailed it. Totaly 100% poka-yoke*. So now I can safely bring this for my vacation without worrying that it'd be useless stuff that eats up my baggage space. Err, I'm a packing OCD. Even a small adding space for eye shadow set (that used to be predicted  as useless stuff) can worry me.

And to close this FF post, I present you, courtesy from 9gag that somehow is.. so me.

Exactly. 

*Poka-yoke is a Japanese term for fail-proofing, used in Lean. Guess how did I know this? Yes, my ME boyfriend gave me a Lean lecture (from the types of waste to the Poka-yoke) while I was doing my smoky eyes trial. Guess how geeky cool is that? 

Next, Patjie?

Hey...

Aku ingin mengajakmu ke Ubud.
Menikmati tenang rintik di dua cangkir teh hangat yang diseruput
Menghela udara di sawah saat matahari terbit, lalu bersepeda bersamamu menuju arah kicau burung
Menyandarkan diri pada bahumu sambil bercerita
(mungkin mencoba ikut kelas yoga)
Menikmati cafe dan dansa, serta gelak tawa
Dan membiarkan malam menyelimuti kita dengan haru cinta

Lain kali,
(Jika ada rezeki),
Aku ingin sekali mengajakmu kesana.
Berdua.
Boleh
Ya?